Rediscovering My Proverbial Voice

Photo credit to Alissa Yarbrough Photography

A few years ago I wrote a post on my first blog called Finding My Voice. Although I do not remember much of what I said I do remember the struggle I had with my idea of writing good and writing well, where writing good consisted of writing something worth reading and writing well consisted of following the rules.

Finding the balance between the two always seemed to be a problem for me but I finally found the key when I discovered that I wrote best when I wrote from the heart and used the laws of professional writing as mere guidelines. However, I still fell into slumps where I had to remind myself of what I had concluded, because after all, I can really obsess over doing something really well.

Fast forward to today – wouldn’t you know, I’ve done it again.

When I started this blog a few months ago I was full of ideas, with a little trepidation, and raring to go. I surged forward fairly easily with some personal posts about my story and what God had taught me, and then found myself drifting into one of those familiar slumps. Though it wasn’t familiar enough to ring the bell of memory with me. No, I had to stew again over it the hard way before God finally brought my attention around.

As a newly declared Christian writer I was focused on putting out good, consistent Christian material on par with those of my experienced and respected contemporaries. More like a Christian magazine than a personal blog. However, I found myself instead losing heart and scowling at the dry words on the page. Sure, I felt what I was saying was good but in a detached sort of way. And how could I expect people to be interested in that?

Monday I was working on a post when I suddenly realized, for the second time in a row, that my writing lacked… something. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Was it purpose? I stopped and walked away. In fact, I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure it out. Maybe God was telling me what was wrong but I hadn’t been listening. So I listened.

Truth be told, it took me a bit. I mulled over a few possibilities until once again God showed me my real problem: I was running my blog like a professional magazine, not like a personal blog. But what about all those professional tips and tricks about good writing, what a good writer does and doesn’t? Wouldn’t that more worth reading than the so-called ramblings of a rather obscure Christian writer?

Don’t get me wrong, I may sound consumed with fear over not being a good writer, but it’s not really a fear as much as it’s a reluctance to let the real me out. Right now, this is me, sitting at the computer and writing as if I were having a conversation with you (just with a few more backspaces). When I imagine what “people” would really call it is rambling. I never wanted to be a blogger that talked without a purpose. If I can’t benefit someone by my writing – even if it’s just “I’ve been there too” – then it’s not worth writing.

This could be because I’ve also tried to break into the professional world as a freelance writer here and there, and believe me, they are strict. If the advice I’ve read holds true (and I’ve read some), you tend to get the idea you might as well steer clear unless you are positive your work is good enough for National Geographic. That’s a hard standard to meet for me, an experienced blogger but rarely paid writer. And the pressure tends to spill over into my blogging methods.

But here I am, once again reminding myself to write from the heart and let the rules merely guide me.

Memo to self: this is a personal blog, about my journey to becoming a bold and daring spirit like the apostle Paul, and learning to be a tool in God’s hands.

We’ll see what happens…